Team America, Fuck Yeah

Team Berlin, now Team Europe, took a weekend in Amsterdam a few weeks back. Our team needs a better name. For awhile, I wanted to be Team America -- so that I could say it with the self-hating cynicism that is the patriotism of Brattle Street liberals like myself. But since the election of Barack, being Team America wouldn't hold the same dark humor, since he's our get out of jail free card: "The U.S. is responsible for plunging stock markets around the globe? Well, Obama will be president in February, so, uh, isn't that enough?" Also, we can't be Team America because a few Brits are part of the crew-- and we don't want to kick them off the island because they say funny things like "rubbish" and "driving a scooter does not automatically disqualify me as straight."

What is Team Europe? We are all expats living somewhere on the Continent trying to squeeze as much sightseeing (read: partying) into as many European cities as possible before we leave. Together, we speak a total of four languages, which is about the same number as a normal EU citizen. And some of us are consultants, meaning yes, there is a spreadsheet dictating where we are going and when. It's all very organized, really. Somewhat like herding cats.


Amsterdam was weekend two in this great experiment and a great experiment it was, let's just leave it at that. We also discovered a toothpaste that makes your mouth feel so fresh you actually think your teeth are vibrating (reminded me of my very first trip to the city with Team Family in '01 "My lips are talking to my teeth!" Man, I hope my bro actually reads this blog so I don't sound crazy. Someone needs to laugh at that).

That was so fucking money. That was like the Jedi mind-shit.

This will be short and sweet -- it's been a good week. Sinterklass showed up on his boat from Spain (he'll be here until December 5), I got a spiffy new fiets (well, a "new" used bike) and learned that I have to pay no damages to the taxi that side swipped me a year and a half ago! Not only that, but they owe me mad €€ (hmmm, doesn't look quite the same as $$).

Bunch of savages in this town

I am bike-less. My craptastic fiets with stolen. It was the biggest piece of scrap metal, I can't believe they even bothered. Maybe it was my uber cool teal green saddle bags that seduced them, the wankers. I don't want to run out and get another one, because what if I don't stay. But 1) I also said that about getting a cat and that was over a year ago and 2) bike:stefinamsterdam::car:suburbansoccermom. Getting home, ESPECIALLY when it is raining (which is seemingly 103% of the time) now takes forever. And my dishwasher is broken. I am pouting.

In some more positive, prestolenfiets news, just got back from Berlin where we had pan-European team bonding. Folks came from Frankfurt and Geneva and we did a good job of touring the city and getting drunk. Thankfully no one insisted we actually go into museums which made me happy -- I'm as cultured as the next schmuck, but when you've got 24 hrs to see shit, the last thing I need to see is art by some guy I don't know or by some guy who's best stuff is in the MET.

A neat thing about Berlin is it really is a city, not a European village. There are fancy schmancy cocktail bars, two different subway systems, a department store that makes Harrods look like a country general store and reasonably not-disgusting sushi. Lots of contemporary buildings juxtaposed by aging churches and 1970s Soviet architecture (and, in the case of the photos to the right, chicks eating sausage).

Also, Berlin has a TON of freaks in it -- makes Amsterdam look like Springfield. We saw at least 20 Rod Stewart look-alikes (men and women) with even worse hair-dye jobs (if that's possible). Good news is, bright blue tights are therefore fully acceptable (as most of you know, there is a side of me that wants to be a freak as much as there is a side of me that likes to pop my collar...I maintain there should be a way to do both at the same time).

America is great indeed. Imagine a country so free, one can throw glass on the streets.

Nederlanders and expatriates all went out for the election, which was a pleasant surprise. (shameful fact: I do not know the name of the Dutch PM...I just wikipedia-ed it so I can feel educated -- his name is Jan Peter Balkenende. Can you imagine a bunch of Americans celebrating the fall of the Christian right in the NL? Watching European football is about as close as we would ever come -- I may not know who the PM is, but I do know who Marco van Basten is.) Pleasant, but also annoying because there were no tickets left for events. It is rare that all the clubs in Amsterdam are packed on a Tuesday night. Rarer still that this would happen for anyone other than a famous DJ (Obama is the new Tiesto).

And, Mr. Smith goes to Amsterdam! It was nice to have a familiar American in town last week -- though she is also an expat in a foreign land. (For any rich people who come to visit, get a reservation at the Dylan Hotel -- Megan and Sylvana had a room that looked like a ski lodge. Some days, I want to be a reporter.) We stayed up late, drank scotch and generally felt good about the state of the union.

So, what are we doing for New Year's?

There was a small window of time in the late summer and early fall when I could have sworn I was growing up. I had a nice routine down, doing the whole "Everything in moderation, including moderation" thing.

Yeah, I was wrong. But I stopped berating myself this morning when I realized it's the fall. And my life is always like this in the fall and therfore I can't be blamed for what is obviously the natural cycle of my existence. Don't want to mess with the chi.

(for those of you who have difficulty reading between the lines, this means that I feel like I've been on a two month bender. But that's not really accurate because I was working, so it was more like an interval bender -- wedding. rest. 30th birthday party. rest. bachelor/ette fiesta. rest. There needs to be a word for that -- maybe "bingerval" or "alcoholism.")

Got home this week -- but interval training continues (no rest for the weary). Halloween party last night with the standard fall back costume: The Toga (Siblings teach you lots of important life lessons in your formative years. How to make a toga out of a sheet should always be one of them. Really, a true life-long skill.). Rest. Election Party (yes, that will be an event to man up for). Rest. Berlin. Rest. Reizen met Coltrane. Rest. Friday Thanksgiving. Rest....and so on and so forth until....well, until CFG/P's wedding.